Coping with the challenges of taking care of a child who is sick or needs extra care can have a huge impact on the relationship between parents. Each parent may react and cope differently.
Here are some suggestions to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner while caring for your child:
- Find time to spend at least five minutes a day with your partner alone. Talk about the good experiences of the day as well as the bad.
- Don’t judge the other person’s emotions or behaviour. One parent may burst into tears every day, while the other might not show any emotion. One parent might become knowledgeable about the child’s condition and active in managing the situation, but the other might feel overwhelmed when discussing medical information.
- Confront your emotions by talking about them. Sometimes parents direct anger at each other, either directly by lashing out or indirectly by getting easily irritated. It can have an impact on the relationship. When parents are already stressed, it is difficult to deal with the additional stress in a relationship. Hiding anger is also unhealthy.
- Take care of yourself and manage your stress.
Caring for yourself
You may become so busy caring for your child and the rest of your family that you forget about yourself. At times this may be overwhelming. It’s important for you to take care of yourself to stay healthy. You can easily become ill because of the stress or lack of sleep. If you develop a medical illness, see your health-care provider and get treatment. If your condition gets worse, you will be less able to be there for your family.
If you experience any of the following feelings for more than a few weeks, it may be a sign that you need to take more time to care for yourself or get help in managing parts of your routine:
- extreme sadness
- anger
- eating problems
- confusion
- anxiety
- physical pain
- feeling overwhelmed
Here are some approaches that might help:
Talk to others: Talking to someone you trust and rely on is one of the best ways to deal with your feelings. This can be a family member, friend, support group, social worker or other professional.
Stress relief: Try finding some regular time each week for yourself to reduce your stress. Taking this time is not selfish. It is important for you to refresh yourself so that you can continue caring for your child effectively.
You might have some favourite stress relief practices already. You may also wish to try one of the following:
- massage therapy
- walking, yoga or other exercise
- prayer or meditation
- warm baths
- music
- humour
- watching movies or television
Other services that might be helpful include:
Respite workers: There are services available in which a respite worker comes into your home occasionally, so that you can take a break.
Support groups: A support group is a good place to express your feelings, frustrations and worries, and to learn how others with similar problems dealt with practical problems. There are support groups for parents, as well as for children and siblings. Meetings may be held in the hospital or community. If you are more comfortable speaking to someone one on one, you may be able to find someone through a local organization or the treatment team.
Physical health: Make sure that you see your own health-care provider. Make sure you eat well, exercise, sleep regularly and find time to relax.
Counselling for individuals or families: Sometimes the stress of a child’s illness is so huge that it is helpful to speak to a counsellor, social worker or therapist. You may go by yourself, with your partner or with your family. They help you and your family adjust to the changes you are facing. It can provide a safe place for everyone to talk about how they are feeling. This can help make your life easier to handle.